A Case Study or a Project from Hell

Once upon a time, somewhere on earth, there was a Bank doing good business and this Bank was called Good Bank.

But – hey, Good Bank is losing a lot of customers and all of them are now customers of Universal banking Institute Bad Bank.

CEO Alfred NoClue doesn’t have any clue, WHY? Just gotten the actual Quarter Report and figured out that in the area of Private Banking & Consumer Banking he has lost about 30% of his customers.


Immediately he picks up the phone and calls his Business Change Manager Fredi CleverCute and asks him to help in emergency.

Now Fredi CleverCute has a problem – he, himself is already a customer of Universal banking Institute Bad Bank.

Alfred NoClue nearly lost all his patience and wanted to fire Fredi CleverCute without further notice.


Fredi Clever Cute is normally a very loyal guy and usually he brings Initiatives after they have been initiated per Top Down Approach, per Bottom up method perfectly “under” all Stakeholders.

That the reason why CEO Alfred NoClue asks Fredi LeverCute, why he raised a Consumer Account at Bad Bank.

Fredi CleverCute thinks about how to declare it for a few moments and afterwards he says “As soon as I raise my account there I can have everything all at once – like Amazon – oneClick – Corporate Banking included everything all at once and the Best not Like Good Bank with old fashioned TAN List if you do not fall asleep before the Website is loaded – BadBank offers ONE TIME Password per Security Token and even the better their Portal System is totally fast! And they offer me that all for free – I haven’t paid a single Cent for it. Of course I have to pay for the transactions, but that’s it! And I have gotten a free Debit Card as a goodie on top – quite favorable for Internet Shopping and for using it at any ATM world wide – I never pay for getting cash – GREAT!”

CEO NoClue has the more, no clue – how they can give their assets away for free?! We don’t have anything to provide our customers for free; we deliver proper customer support and care about our customers!

Fredi CleverCute argued – hence, there are many customers like me – they don’t need support.

And with a big smile Fredi CleverCute tells CEO NoClue Universal banking Institute Bad Bank doesn’t provide anything real for free – with their new fast Online Portal not only Fredi CleverCute is able to order this new superb stocks from Asian Market – for customers with no/less experience in Corporate Banking / Wealth Management they have a lot of ads on their portal for several funds like GrandMa’s Bond Based funds in cooperation with Insurance NeverPay.

CEO NoClue shake his head – “we don’t offer nor Corporate Banking neither Wealth Management, we are a co-operative Bank, but we are able to offer Bond Based Funds through our Partner Insurance SuperSave. Regarding Grandma’s Bond Based funds Universal Banking Institute Bad Bank offers together with Insurance NeverPay – is real somebody buying it? Never minded!”

Fredi CleverCute loud laugh – “now we need a Partner for Corporate Banking and Wealth Management, and we should extend the partnership with Insurance SuperSave; And we build our own brand new shiny Internet Portal. First it costs money, sure, but it will bring us good income afterwards. for the Portal – the 2 Partners should invest in it too, we integrate their IT Systems in ours and the day after tomorrow we are a lot better than Universal Banking Institute Bad Bank IS nowadays. At our place customers can come in as well, or online – everything oneClick at all.

We optimize our Business Processes, because now round about 50% of our customers will do all their stuff from home and we can close about 1/3 of our Branches and make about 30% of our staff redundant. – Super! – what do you guess?”

CEO NoClue likes the idea and he immediately starts the Programme “New Good All Inclusive Bank”

Freddi CleverCute would not be that clever, if he would not have had a superb idea same second – CEO NoClue is only the Programme Executive Sponsor – he needs a Programme Manager immediately, as CleverCute is the Business Change Manager there and he starts same time brining all this good news to all stakeholder involved – well, he forgets the Workers Council – who cares? What is 30% of the staff? Nothing …. More the later 😉

Doesn’t matter CleverCutes best friend Hansi Perfidious knows the former programme manager of Bad Bank Ursel Uppish, he has run the Programme New Portal there and have everything in his pockets – historical files, historical data, lessons learned and everything you need to keep in your mind regarding security matters and data privacy have been within his Projects beyond the Programme – perfect!

End of this story – Ursel Uppish is named via Hansi Perfidious in the name of CEO NoClue Programme Manager of Good Bank and therefore responsible for the daily business and deputy of God (CEO) on earth.

Short after Uppish has gotten the Mandate for Initiating the Programme New good all inclusive Bank from the whole Board. And as the goal, the vision and therefore the objectives are almost clear he starts working same time.

As insurance SuperSave is not running their business in the same country Good Bank resides Uppish initiates a project for Compliance topics, especially cross boarder topics, he gets his friend Ernst DataPrivacy on board. Ernst DataPrivacy worked before a a Data Privacy officer and has a lot of experience there – but to be honest he has no clue about Cross Boarder topics and Compliance.

Anyway he gets a mandate from CEO NoClue as well and starts to build up a project team; therefore his first step is getting the stakeholder identified.

As now the preparation phase of the programme is running, Ursel Uppish needs the Budget approved quite quickly.

Even he should know it the better and only get the budget for the first stage approved, as he has many unknown issues in his basket he in his overestimation in his own capabilities he talked upfront the board with all his power of persuasion to avail. AND? Yeah he gets the whole Budget of 30 Mio € free for usage. Even the bank regulation authorities approve it as all, his PAPERWORK is superb and compliant in place (that he used everything Fritzi CleanEffectiveEthical has written before for Universal Bank Bad Bank – WHO CARES?!)

The more meanwhile Ernst DataPrivacy has serious problems to get access to the customer data in country SunShine approved – Programme Manager Uppish ignore it all at once.

He starts several IT projects all together, as main goal and objective for him is that nerving consumer customers should do everything from home in near future and stop troubling the staff in the branch.

Serveral IT Tecchies are found quickly and inaugurated being Project Managers from now.

That’s the main reason behind not a single one of them not even thinking about involving the user’s means having a senior user within the Project Board and/or Project Team. User? That are this idiots, too stupid, to double click the red button within the branches – puuuhhhhhhhh.

CEO and Programme Executive Sponsor NoClue is totally happy if he gets a weekly report in a Single Side Powerpoint format where all signal lights are green.

Programme Manager Uppish knows this fact and all reports he gets with yellow signal lights he colorize green – he have done this already within Bad Bank and its worked there perfectly!

Meanwhile the projects “New infrastructure Service” and “Portal Development Offshore” are running in parallel.

Sorry to mention – Programme Managemer Uppish has forgotten to tell Project Manager Willi Offshore that Technical Infrastructure Project Manager Bonnie Tecchie exists.

On the other side Bonnie Tecchie wants to save the bucks and won’t like to hear Willi Offshores requirements – her opinion is

– Too much metal is not sane for the intelligence of the programming staff.

Unfortunate, as Freddie CleverCute talks with everybody Willi Offshore gains knowledge about what Bonnie Tecchie plans – the same second he is totally sure this girl is totally MAD. If she is or not Willi Offshore cant verify as Bonnie Tecchie is simple not talking to him – she refuses every communication.

On top it comes Willi Offshore who is project manager of both development projects the frontend system and the backend systems (for the branch) and he is still not thinking about asking the users of they need a pullover or trousers. CEO NoClue his level of incompetence is that high, that he ignores the necessarily to show up commitment in case of Strategic directives internal and external that he assumes – I have shown up the directive – that’s almost enough!

Meanwhile the staff in the branches already have asked the Workers Council – as even 1/3 reduction of branches and 30% of staff is in the PID means the more within the Business Case and main argument of CEO NoClue and Programme Manager Uppish – no one of both thought about this could be a part of interest for the Unions – NOW believe me IT IS J

By the way at least Uppish found a new datacenter – well known datacenter SuperFast and they are fast ineed – all SLA’s (Service Level Agreements) are already defined signed and in place.

Datacenter Director already sent Uppish and his CEO NoClue his SAS 70 report, which proves in this case Compliance and Project Manager Willi Offshore signed an agreement with Good Bank about Software in Escrow.

CEO NoClue is absolutely impressed by his Programme Manager Uppish – so fast so many things done – excellent!

Gosh a bit stupid – except Business Change Manager Freddie CleverCute still nobody speaks to the staff – especially the employees within the branches. And CleverCute – he talks with all his power of persuasion and tells them the new piece of software – you only need to wink with your eyes – OK if you are still allowed to wink in-house and not asking for social security 😉

The more CleverCute explains – no more customers that nervs all the day round – maybe an old grandma once a week … everything else will be done within the new SuperSave Portal.

Project Manager Willi Offshore now uses the requirements list and the work packages which where written within the contract specification Programme Manager Uppish used at Bad Bank

That a Co-operative Bank is not the same than a Universal Bank with Consumer/Corporate and Wealth Management included – hence – BANK IS BANK and I am getting paid to deliver what’s written here and not what users talk about – finite.

And Bonnie Tecchie still has the opinion more metal is something for cowards – who cares about?

He Willi Offshore gets paid for software delivery after successful running through SIT and UAT tests according to the contract – his SDLC is clean till Production (and that it will never ever once in his life running on this production systems Bonnie Tecchie planned – is this real his problem? NO!)
or better software in escrow – perfect!

Bonnie Tecchies opinion is the more she saves on the budget side the better it is for her career

CEO NoClue is so incompetent that he does not even recognize that somebody’s savings drive his bank into bankruptcy.

CIO Harry Value is quite happy that CISO Freddie Save does not bother him, what he does all at once as Harry Values process are totally compliant the more he has to argue at Ernst DataPrivacy Side, as the Cross Boarder Topics with Insurance Co-operation Partner in the Country of SunShine are not clarified or better miles away from being clarified right now.

If he should tell, something about this fact CEO NoClue? Neeee not disturbing him …. Better J

As usual Programme Manager Uppish re-colorize all red traffic lights he gets from Ernst DataPrivacy – all green not necessary, but RED – no never ever – and afterwards he sends it to CEO NoClue.

As CISO save is not reporting to the CEO as it’s best practice he reports to the CTO means the technology officer – hence you cannot do everything best practice – and the more why to bother the CEO with little bit security stuff – not necessary at all!

Project Manager Willi Offshore has already run successful threw Whitebox, Blackbox Testing (OK at the UAT the user haven0t been real amused as the main functions are somewhere in Nirwana – but they are there and working like described in the contract specifications – good enough), functional and regression testing is done and Willi offshore is proud about his clean Software Development Process – CEO NoClue as well – as he has NO CLUE that this piece of software won’t work never even once in his life on the production systems.

Programme Manager Ursel Uppish knows this fact but his self-esteem is not made for Programme or Project failure – he already has bought for tomorrow for himself a flight ticket to the island of alternative lifestyle and plan to stay there till nobody on the whole continent remembers anymore that former times a Co-operative Bank Good Bank exists.

Business Change Manager Fredi CleverCute have had recognized weeks ago that Bad Bank sold their Consumer Business – maybe there was too less demand for GrandMa’s Bond Based funds in cooperation with Insurance NeverPay – means the ROI was not sufficient enough.

Project Manager Bonnie Tecchie has all here paperwork in place, Change Request for the Go-Life and the Changeover, all changes are as well within the CMDB, all licences are bought, the software code is placed in escrow, CEO NoClue is a ALL SMILE – all governance and compliance frameworks are in place, as well with Datacenter SuperFast all SLA’s are in place, pico bello defined, the audit of the state supervision for banking is done – everything at its best J

(well, there is the customer data access in Country SunShine – hence that’s country SunShine – no worry)

DataCenter SuperFast is known for its great service, and they implemented the ITIL framework very efficient AND effective manner, their staff in the Service Desk, in Incident, Problem, Change & Release management is superb and known for high quality – there can’t go anything wrong – can’t?

Tomorrow the New Good All Inclusive Bank will be up and running.

This CEO NoClue is thinking – you most likely know paper never complaints – and Tools/Frameworks are enabler – not replacement for common sense.

Business Change Manager Fredi CleverCute lanced a great champagne via an well-known PR Agency telling everybody that tomorrow the new good all inclusive bank including super-fast portal will be life and already 50% more customers – calculated from the day of Project Mandate.

Problem is Bonnie Tecchie calculated with 60% only from the customers of the day of project mandate – this means a gap of 90% load on the portal ….

And the end of the story?

As after day 21 of the Go-life still nothing is working not even within the branches neither the portal – the branches – no one thought the employees how to handle the new software and they can’t find core functions anymore

Image and reputation of Good Bank is completely ruined and even worse Country of SunShine intervened at the government of country of Good Bank and as a fact afterwards the state supervision of banking wants to close Good Bank.

Beside all of this even the Business Continuity Tests or better disaster recovery tests worked in the theory – high available are Bonnie Tecchies systems – indeed …

Menawhile Bad Bank figured out that they need the consumer Business to have them being customer for coporate and Wealth Management, as well – AND?

They buy Good Bank

The New Bank is called WHITE BANK

CEO NoClue and his Team are meanwhile on the island of alternative lifestyle, too and they are crying bitterly tears

We have had all processes, frameworks, compliance and governance in place – WHY?

Remark: this is a pure fictive story – if it remembers somebody – it’s not wanted.

Best Jutta Staudach



And, if you pay peanuts, you will get monkeys


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